Mohr or Less

Hi again. Something else I’ve learned this week is that I can be a fairly intense guy (someone who probably knows what I’m talking about will agree with that assessment, I’m sure. ). That kind of intensity might actually drive people away. Certainly not the kind of trait I’d like to have. So, that being said, I’ve made a pact with myself to sit down at least once a day and really get to know myself and find out if that’s the way I want to be.

In fact, overall, I have a few issues I’m working on that I’ll share:

• Trust - Quite possibly the biggest issue I’m working on is trusting people. I’ve had issues in past relationships in which there was some “infidelity” involved. I won’t point any fingers. Let’s just say I was extremely hurt and depressed about that for enough time I was medicated for several years. That was until I decided putting myself through all that pain just wasn’t worth it anymore. So I buckled down and overcame. And I worked it out. However, I don’t believe I ever really overcame it after all, especially, recently, when I didn’t trust someone because of my past insecurities. This was obviously not fair at all to the other person. I hurt her very much and have put a big dent in our friendship. Fortunately, she’s a good enough person to realize my insecurities and we’re, again, talking. And I’ve taken a step in realizing that I do have some issues to work on. One way of releasing myself is by writing on this blog. Another way is to see a counselor. And I’m doing both. By doing that, I’ll be able to, again, start trusting people.

• Addiction - Many people obviously have various additions and vices. Some are chemical, some are mental, some are physical. I’ve come to discover that I have an addiction to virtual worlds whether they be SecondLife, instant messaging, Twitter, etc. And this is actually starting to affect me physically. Number one, I’m simply not getting the sleep I need. Don’t get me wrong. I can perfectly function on the sleep I’m getting. If I’m coherent enough to write this post, I’m getting the sleep. But it’s the quality of the sleep I’m getting that concerns me. Going to bed at 12:30 or 1am and getting up at 6:30 just isn’t working for me. In addition, I’m not getting the exercise I so need and value. For me, that’s huge…HUUUUGE. Granted, I could workout after work, however, I’ve tried it and discovered that I’m more of a morning workout person than afternoon. Spinning classes at Gold’s Gym are in the mornings. And I would prefer to hang w/ Hussi in the afternoons too. That all means, though, that I’ll have to get to sleep no later than 10 or 10:30 so I can make it to the gym at 5am for weights and the class. Because of that, that also means I’m going to have scale back “playing” on SL and just being on the computer in general. And that’s okay. Because my well-being, physically and mentally, is just too important.

  I have concerns, however, that I’ll lose friendships by scaling back. But, on the flip side, true friends will understand. Email addresses may be exchanged and we can keep in touch throughout the day. Those that think SL should come first…well…they probably weren’t true friends in the first place. And, perhaps, they, too, should evaluate their own addictions.

• “Easy Targets” - I almost lost a very close friend this week because I admitted to her that she was an “easy target” to me. I simply took her for granted and assumed she’d always be there. In exchange, she gave me a gift. She didn’t contact me for several days. I consider this a gift because it made me realize just how easy it is to lose people, especially when we take them for granted. Very tough, but needed, pill for me to swallow. Fortunately, this gave me cause to look back and reflect what I’ve done in the past. And I realize I’ve probably made many people easy targets. This has helped me to really think before I act or say anything. One thing I am is very analytical. However, because of that trait, sometimes it causes me to conflict with myself. But, if you really think about it, there are really only two ways to look at everything in life: the right way and the wrong way. Who defines which is really a personal definition. My right ways may not be the same as someone else’s and vice versa. But I think if we continue to “love thy neighbor” we’ll all be okay.

I’m sure I’ll have more to post later on. But I wanted to send these two latest posts while the thoughts are fresh in my mind.

Onward and upward!

Filed under: Thoughts by kory